Here Goes

People have been telling me that it happens to lots of people. That 48% of couples go through it. But this was definitely not an experience that I had hoped to go through ever in my life.

I was granted a divorce almost a month ago, June 1st. Yup, I’m now a divorcee. I never imagined that I would be 26 and divorced. I have gone through a long list of emotions over the past year– anger, grief, guilt, emptiness to name a few…..I could really go on and on. But I would say that betrayal is the word that comes to mind the most frequently when I think about what I’ve been through. Betrayed by him and his family, but also betraying those around me. Pretending that everything is okay for an extended amount of time takes its toll on you. And I don’t just mean your looks (although that did happen, hello carbs!). I was absolutely exhausted by the time I decided I’d had enough.

I am not going to rehash all of the awful details to you all for a number of different reasons but 1) although I am experiencing hate that I never thought was possible from me I would never want to tarnish his professional reputation as far as his job goes and who knows who reads my blog stranger things have happened 2) I’m embarrassed, it’s almost like if I put it in writing it makes the past year real and I honestly don’t know if I’m ready for that and 3) I don’t even know where to begin to tell my story. But I did have the pleasure of meeting his girlfriend that had already moved into my house before the divorce was final. That was really sweet of him to introduce us! (Tongue in cheek of course).

I also didn’t write in my blog for so long because I felt like a phony. All of our pictures were real, the magazine articles about our wedding were real and so were the stories, but of course I left details out. Please know that there was so many times that I wanted to reach out through my blog, I loved all of your comments throughout the years, my engagement, wedding, honeymoon, anniversary.

I wish that I could say that I wish him well, but it's too early and too fresh to say that. I have great relationships with all of my ex’s, but something about this is so different. I not only feel betrayed, but so do my family. My family is and always will be the most important thing to me and knowing that he has caused them pain as well infuriates me.

I’m trying to figure out a new name. I am no longer Mrs. LSL! I know I've asked before but if you have any suggestions, I'd love to hear them. In honor of July 4th, How about Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness through the Eyes of a Divorcee! haha :)

LAS